Hang in there H… you have seen worse

I am not looking forward to the upcoming season.

Just to recap what has happened this off season:

- Dave Nonis: fired.

This guy had a plan that made sense.  He missed along the way, but you knew that he wasn’t going to do something stupid.  Which brings me to…

-Aqullini hires former hardball player agent Mike Gillis.

Lets looks at some of Mike Gillis deals.  Mike Nylander signs for Edmonton Oilers. Nope.  That was written in black ink, not blue, that means it isn’t legal.  He signs with Washington. That was ethical, love it when people renege on a deal.   Pavel Bure was one of his stars.  Didn’t want to play in Vancouver went public, complained, wanted to play for only two three teams, went to one of them.  Great, I love agents who build their clients up.  So after reviewing how great of agent he was, Francesco “Gee! What should I do with my walkin around money?  I will buy my hometown team… Go Canucks Go!” Aquilini decides to hire someone with a new slant on being a GM in a copycat league.  This can only be good, I bet Gillis said he had an awesome card up his sleeve.

-Mats Sundin offered $20 Million over two years.  Francesco “That wasn’t my card Mike, but where did the lighter fluid come from?” Aquilini was impressed. Why did this happen?  Here is a guy who doesn’t know if he wants to play this year let alone next, and what do you do?  Give him a offer and announce on top of a mountain.  Yeah- way to put your name out there Mike.

-Hiring of Ryan Walter.  Ryan Walter love Jesus… and by Jesus I mean cocaine and hookers.  Alexander Kovalev, however, approve of his techniques of taking players to harems and giving “motivational seminars.

“I’m looking at Alex Kovalev in the eyes, and we’re doing team development,” Walter said of a workshop last season with the Canadiens. “Some of it’s pretty experiential — fuzzy — and he’s going: ‘This is cool. This is awesome stuff.’ I looked the best players in the world in the eye and they liked what I was doing.”

-Luc Bourdon dies

Shitty deal all around.

-Trevor Linden retires

Damn.  He put RJ on the right path. Legendary.

-Markus Naslund and Brendan Morrison leave.

Wonderful. These two players were the only remainder of the fire wagon hockey the Canucks use to play. Fans loved it, players enjoyed it, Dan Cloutier was terrible.

-Sedins are called out as not being franchise players by Mike “my daughter dances at the Cecil, where have I gone wrong” Gillis.

Great move Mike. Way to really believe in that statement that the Canucks don’t draft well. Trade away the good drafting, then maybe will forget.

-Luongo named captain.

Jesus christ! I remember asking my old man, an immigrant mind you, why Grant Fuhr wasn’t the goalie of the Canucks when I was three. His response:
“Son, don’t be stupid. The goalie can’t be the captain, he can’t talk to the ref which is the most essential role of the captain. Everyone leads on a team, the captain only represents himself on the ice.”
A bit harsh, but correct. This move is purely a symbol- a symbol of a franchise going in the wrong direction. (audience “oooooooohhhhoooo, no you didn’t”) Yes, I did. So now we have the only goalie as a captain, the only assistant coach who is a sex fiend, and the only player agent general manager. Great, love being different than everyone else. Guess I will have to start listening to some of RJ’s music.

Damn,

H

P.S.

bright spots:
Demitra
Corey Schneider
Shorthouse play by play
Chance at Tavares
best fourth line in the league
Ohlund
Retiring a proud number
Hanging out with RJ this weekend

We’re a different kind of organization

The Vancouver Canucks announced today that goaltender Roberto Luongo has been named the organization’s 12th captain.

Yes, you read that correctly: the Canucks have chosen a goaltender to be their captain.

On a certain level, the move makes a lot of sense. You only need to watch reporters flock to Luongo’s stall in the dressing room or listen to a post-game interview to realize that Luongo is the unquestionable ‘leader’ of this team. I suppose you have to applaud management for at least having the capacity to recognize leadership on this team.

There is but one ever-so-minor problem, however. I refer you to the Official NHL Rulebook, Rule 14. Section d states clearly:

No playing Coach or playing Manager or goalkeeper shall be permitted to act as Captain or Alternate Captain.

Apparently, the Canucks, who have lived up to their reputation for bucking tradition in the hockey world (ahem), have put themselves in a position where they will have no official captain dressed for a game on any given night.

Thus, when the referee makes a horrible call or needs to discuss a dicey situation with the appointed leaders of each team, one wonders what the team will do.

A few possibilities:

• Luongo can keep a pad of paper and a pen on top of his net and write down his instructions to one of his appointed alternate captains (Willie Mitchell, Mattias Ohlund, or Ryan Kesler);
• Luongo can have his goalie mask fitted with a communication device, with his alternates similarly wired in, so that he can communicate his perspective without he or the alternates having to skate up and down the ice;
• The Canucks can petition the NHL and its Board of Governors to amend the aforementioned stipulation in the rulebook to allow Luongo to be the official captain on the ice (I mean, we all know how popular Canucks’ management is around the league, right?);
• Or, my personal favourite, the Canucks can simply hire someone to actually read the NHL Rulebook, organize another press conference for tomorrow, and appoint a designated player besides the goalie to be the damn captain of the team. (Hmmm, I dunno, perhaps one of the three perfectly competent players chosen to be Luongo’s alternates?)

When it comes to being a Canucks fan, nothing ever comes easy.

UPDATE:

The Canucks intend to have Willie Mitchell ‘act’ as captain in on-ice situations. I’m not sure what this means, exactly, but I’m sure we’ll soon find out. For further discussion, check out Mirtle’s thread on the subject.