Matt Pettinger meet your new teamates

Matt Pettinger walks into the dressing room, the consumate professional Trevor Linden steps up and welcomes his new teamate into the den. 

“Welcome Matt to your new dressing room.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…..”

“What? You feel as if you know your teamates although you have only played them twice.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…..”

“He is your younger brother? Get out of here, that is Byron Ritchie. I guess he plays a similar game and has good hussle.”

“So tell me about yourself, what did you want to be if you weren’t a hockey player”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…”

“A boxer! Well I guess you are right you do have something in common with one of the players on the team.  You can talk about that dream of being a boxer with one of your teamates.   Hey Cowan, come meet the new guy!”

Jeff Cowan, “Wish I can be out there with you for your first game, unfortunately I have to sit this one out.  Do you know I once scored two goals in one game, thank god my mom was in attendance that night, still have her bra in my locker.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…..”

“Yeah, thank Jeff, we will check that out later.  Whoa watch out there.”

Pettinger gets pantsed.

 “Ah Alex, always the kidder.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…..”

“I know I would really like to punch him in the face.  What is this league coming to?”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…..”

“Get out you once scored twenty goals?”

“I did once, but then I once had a straight nose, ha ha ha ha.  Well we have three players who can score goals, you might know them.”

“Mumble, mumble, mumble”

“Oh that is right you are from the east, well they are pretty damn good players.  Hey boys! Put down those 2009 volvo brochures.”

The sedins playing a prank grab Matt’s hat and play keep away in the corner of the dressing room.

Trevor gets the hat back. “Yeah I know what the hell, you think after all that time something would of come from that shift.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…”

“Why would we put a mirror infront of your stall.  Lord Thundering Boyo, you sure are slow! That is Brad Isbister.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…”

“I guess so, you are both big, both had potential and are spare parts on this team.”

“Matt, Matt, HEY MATT, wake up.”  Linden slaps him across the face.

“mumble, mumble, mumble.”

Those eyes

“Yeah people do get lost in those eyes.  That is Pyatt, jury is out on him.  He is kinda like you, but, but, but…. damnit Pyatt close those hypno-toad eyes of yours. As I was saying, between Isbister, you and Pyatt we almost have the one player we miss around here.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble….”

“Oh defence, yeah we have those.  They are much better than us and decide to have their own room.  Don’t upset them it is all we have for skaters these days.”

The door opens,  a silhouette appears with a cape, eating a tomato and wearing a pinstriped suit.

“Keep your head down, don’t look him in the eyes.”

Linden gets called over.

“Yes Godfather!”

“I though Dave said he would make Florida an offer he cannot refuse, and now today, the day of my wife’s second tri mester, we get this!” He leaves the room.

“Not good Matt, you want to get on his good side.  Pretty much that is our team: spare parts, a decent defence and him.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble”

“Well it ain’t so bad, you won’t miss Washington to bad.  We have fans!! They probably will buy your jersey after waiting in line for it.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…”

“I wouldn’t call them hockey fans, more like rich people who like to yell for the first two minutes of the game, and the complain.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble….”

“You want to be a top nine player. Have you not been paying attention, apart from those swedes we are all 4-12 depth players, you just have to be better than three other people.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…”

“Ah, felling as if you need to sit down.  Your stall, we will take you there right now. It feels comforatble. I would think so, the guy you replaced fit the same roster spot as you.”

“mumble, mumble, mumble…”

“WHAT! You have another year at 1.1 million. What the hell, at least the old guy was gone after this year. Geez, thank god I am out of here after this year.”

3 Responses to “Matt Pettinger meet your new teamates”

  1. 1 RJ February 26, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    I was laughing at this all day. How long did it take you to write this?!?!

  2. 2 H February 27, 2008 at 1:24 am

    I was just a fly on the wall to the actual event… I am glad you enjoy my undermining of your credible blog.

  3. 3 RJ February 27, 2008 at 9:22 am

    Nah, it works. I play the straight man, you play the comedic talent. Both of us talk Canucks.

    A winning formula, I think.

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